Ten Famous Walls, a Christmas Listicle

  1. The Atlantic Wall (Festung Europa) was not a wall at all, but an awful lot of lumps of hollow concrete, stuffed with any old cannon that the Germans could find, and surrounded by prickly string.
  2. The 750 kilometre long Maginot Line was also not a proper wall. It had a big gap in it to let the trees through, and the Germans, who hadn’t been told that you can’t drive an armoured division through a National Park. It had sunbeds and underground railways in it though, so that’s cool!
  3. The Great Wall of China is a proper wall. Who cares if it can’t be seen from space, It’s huge! … and very long at 20,000 kilometres. The Great Wall that Matt Damon had to have a wash to be fed at was more fun. Loved the chrome lacquered armour! Not so keen on the local wildlife though; we have a frog, Nobby the Newt  and a hedgehog. Matt Damon just had lots of bitey lizards with eyes in the wrong places.
  4. The Wall in Game of Thrones is a proper 480 kilometre wall, that even meets UK building regulations, and is 230 metres high. Despite being built in Northern Ireland over a cement works, The Seven Kingdoms is the very opposite of a united kingdom and much stabbier, so what do you expect? I prefer ice in small drinks cubes or long downhill pistes.
  5. Drop Walls. Another fantasy wall, this time from Phil and Kaja Foglio’s Girl Genius. These are designed to topple over and squash besiegers. Nasty.
  6. The lines of Ne Plus Ultra stretched for 256 kilometres. Rather splendid in a Vauban-esque way. It’s a shame that Marlborough walked around the middle of the end of it. The French track record with defensive walls is not entirely stellar. See Chandler for decent maps.
  7. The West Wall is half finished now. It’s Big, it’s beautiful, and nobody asked Mexico to pay for it: See Number 10 on this list. Only 1.48 scale kilometres long in 1:100, but an impressive 1900 hamburgers high, or 190 metres, and a rather fetching shade of orange. The Luftwaffe has got in first with its Flak.
  8. Offa’s Dyke – 285 kilometres long. Pretty impressive in its day. Can still be seen on the ground. Beware nettles and bracken in summer. Wear long trousers and boots.
  9. The Siegfried Line- 630 kilometres long. Built in the 1930s.  Made the Maginot Line look good. Rather like a suit or dress that you bought in summer, then tried to squeeze into in winter, the embrasures were too small for the porkier anti-tank guns that were needed when the Allies assaulted it in 1944. Even so, it held out until 1945 before making a useful clothes line for washing. Remnants of the line live on as biotopes for wildlife
  10. Donald Trump. Ha Ha.


Filed under Off Topic

3 responses to “Ten Famous Walls, a Christmas Listicle

  1. Haha, brilliant Chris, made me chortle! 🙂 I actually quite enjoyed The Great Wall film!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Speaking of walls, the American erected one for the assault on Sadr City: https://mwi.usma.edu/stealing-enemys-urban-advantage-battle-sadr-city/

    Merry Christmas Chris.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cool, Ashley. I didn’t know about that one. Number eleven then 🙂
    Have a safe Christmas.

    Regards, Chris


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