Not a Spy – Garden Wargaming 5

North China Morning Post

“Not a Spy” Plane Spotter Claim

In an official press release, The de Barros Minister for War and Lego announced that they captured a Piedmontese spy taking photographs in a High Security Compound that the Ministry denies is a military base.

When asked to explain why he was lurking in a strawberry plantation, dressed in military green fatigues, with a radio and high-powered camera, Colin Pratt (aged 24) said,

   “I was on a walking holiday in the Forbidden Forest, when I heard about the new airmail service, and I wanted to get photos before any of my friends did. I always wear camouflage jackets, just like my mate John Armatys as I am a keen military re-enactor. I have been well treated, and the Chili con carne that they feed us isn’t bad, but I miss my mum.”

The Piedmontese Ministry of Defence was unavailable for comment, but the Foreign Secretary, Boris Blusterwell opined that it was outrageous to imprison harmless but misguided aircraft enthusiasts, and tourism to the Forbidden Forest would surely suffer.

+++ Breaking News +++

The Navies of Piedmont and de Barros have clashed over a group of German scrap metal merchants landing on Slug Island to the North of the Seagrave Isles. This island is a British protectorate that is firmly in de Barros territorial waters. A patrol of a  battleship and aircraft carrier intercepted a Piedmontese fleet of a Landing Ship Toy (LST Pomodoro), two aircraft carriers (RoPS Airone and Aquila di Mare). 

A brief dogfight ensued in which a naval biplane attacked the famous Piedmontese pilot Capitano Biggaloro. The valiant Capitano fought off an unprovoked attack and sent his enemy packing in a cloud of smoke, but did not escape damage himself. The Artist’s impression of the dogfight seen below has been rushed to print in order that our readers are not denied an accurate impression of the event, rather than trusting to less exacting news outlets, such as might be found outside railway stations.

The gallant Capitano Biggaloro brings his assailants to justice

Meanwhile, the scrap merchants abandoned their plunder and escaped in a fishing trawler that narrowly escaped being sunk by an enthusiastic, if inaccurate bombardment from the pocket battleship that left flames trailing from the wheelhouse.

Following this ignominious retreat, the victorious de Barros fleet landed Marine Commandos on the island to tear down the Scrap dealers’ flag and hoist their own. The Royal Piedmontese Navy (RoPN) also withdrew, taking the scrap dealers into protective custody. In the photo below, the stern of the pocket battleship can just be seen towing a Royal Marine Rigid Raider (not to scale) 🙂

The RoPN denied that decades of neglect had left their Fleet Air Arm with only one serviceable biplane, saying that they had “lots”. ¹

Slug Island back in de Barros hands

Slug Island back in de Barros hands


The de Barros economy is steadily gearing up for war and now possesses a modern biplane  featuring the latest structural wrapped cardboard fuselage from the Blue Peter Institute of Technology. A fortification (Fort Redwall) has sprung up almost overnight opposite Fort Rottonwood.

The Piedmontese economy continues to pour vast sums of money and concrete into a massive wall-building program to secure the borders of the homeland. Ex-President Furzmaul of Bombastia is rumoured to be following the project with keen interest, hoping for tips. The current President Don Maddox said that he is more interested in building tanks and conducting research into giant stompy robots.

Chinese Pirates, under their leader Long Chin, are said to be becoming bolder in the north China Sea, even raiding as far east as the Wild Onion Peninsula. Unconfirmed reports suggest that they may be using a home-made submarine to conduct their raids.

  1. In a lever-arch file somewhere in the garage 🙂


Filed under Not Quite Rocket Science

8 responses to “Not a Spy – Garden Wargaming 5

  1. Great post. Chuckled throughout.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Brilliant! 🙂 Troublesome scrap metal merchants always seem to have a place in some war or another!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha thoroughly enjoyed this

    Liked by 1 person

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